what is cool?...

aged 13

aged 18

So you're probably thinking why the hell does this mad woman have < and > picture? Why is she wasting my time with her pointless poopery? (I seldom like to swear but because this is a blog I tend to make it more polite to connect with a wider audience). I do this blog post because of the changes that I have made in my life and how they have benefited me and, hopefully, girls who are now thinking that smoking, drinking and being a slag (basically) is cool then please listen. Four years ago, if somebody had told me that I would be hanging around with the friends I have now, have the grades that I am getting and the relationship with my mother would be as strong as it is today then I would have said 'F*** off: no way' and probably done a runner with my 'cool' friends. But because I am where I am today because of some people, I like to look back and, not think of what COULD have been, but what SHOULD have been. Like for example, I shouldn't have started hanging around with my 'cool' friends because in fact they weren't cool. They were horrid and despite hurting me and leaving me like horses leave their manure (ew weird metaphor but we'll go with it) I wouldn't be where I am today. I don't really like to talk about things concerning my past but the friends that I used to have, well, I wouldn't like to say that I have respect for them, rather I pity them that they had to resort to alcohol, attention seeking behaviour and bullying to make themselves look 'cool'. I have to admit, the compliance that I held for this group was inexcusable, however when they dumped me like a sack of shit because I wouldn't follow their 'coolness' any longer it gave me a sense of freedom: to be whoever I wanted to be and do whatever I wanted and I say this because since then the openness, to my mother especially, and the trust that I hold for most people surprises me sometimes. The changes that I have gone through have also surprised me (hence the before and after photos and my disgust at myself for my whacked cliché photo editing: seriously what was I thinking -.-). Anyway the reason I wanted to do this blog post was because of what happened on Friday 10th February; I was excited at the night ahead. Drinking, dancing and having a good time with the majority of my year group. However, the news that I had to take my sister to KFC with her midget friends got me down and as I observed them running around like hooligans and trying to disrupt the nature of this fine establishment, it made me reminisce about my times as a 13 year old girl and HOW MUCH I want to change the past. For, basically, I was a hooligan. I would sneak out my house making lame excuses that I was out at my friend's house when really we were hanging round the street whilst I watched them smoke. It was a sign of weakness that I wanted to belong because they chose to make me the object of mischief. They would ask me to shoplift but I would refuse and because I would refuse such a crime I would be (punished is a strong word) apprehended as a goody two shoes and would me made to do something else. But it all got too much and as I spiralled into the lifestyle of one of my friends I would quickly get out of it, or if you want me to put it bluntly, kicked out of the 'group' and instantly branded as a grasser, goody two shoes and overall whimp. It left me sorta depressed: however the clinical characteristics would brand me as sad really. But really, there would be some good out of it: I met new friends who, as I say often, are brilliant and fantastic and gah <3, my openness to my mother (as stated earlier) is now a common thing and my life is overall great.
You're probably sitting there thinking 'wow stfu' but I wont because there is a downside to this. Due to the behaviour of these 'cool friends' and my unruly trust issues with some people, it has made me a bit of a whimp when it comes to getting VERY close to people. It has made me feel like a ho because I cannot handle someone getting VERY close to me because of my capacity to harm people without me knowing it and I apologise to people for that if they have thought that I did this to them. It is for your own good as well as mine that I don't get VERY close to you because of the outcome that I am scared to comprehend. 
Who'd have thought that all of this would be from one little thought in a KFC restaurant, however those who don't know the real me, I just wanted to outline the first little part as to why I may seem, sometimes, out of it and a million miles away.   
Also because Sam Sheppard moaned that he wouldn't be mentioned in any blog so THERE!